Talk Like A Troll

Did you ever wish you could talk like a Troll?

Now you can! Your speech may not turn out to be pure Ogham since it’s difficult to sound out hatch-marks and slashes, but you can come pretty close to Troll Idiom if you salt your language with a few words from grumbly old Yahbut’s Lexicon below. You may even be able to do what Yahbut does — say things that are insulting without the person you’re insulting knowing what you really meant….





(translated from the Ogham originals)


Sneaderbender– One who hates to waste a booger


Sneaderbending – the art of booger-flicking


Crapplefrizzling– Shitting in your own or another’s hat


Crapplefrizzler – one who wears such a hat (above).

Note: a crapplefrizzling sneaderbender and a sneaderbending crapplefrizzler are both tasteless arse-holes and very, very similar, but they DO differ in how much effort they give to wrist-flicking versus doffing the crap-filled chapeaux.


Schnippzit! – What you say to a “freathin’ gleat”to shoo it away before you are forced to castrate it for its own good.


Freathin’ gleat – (translation:  “Your father sleeps with [or slept with] goats.”) An insult sometimes used as a term of endearment.


Dangmeetl/ Dangmeetla – A cousin with three sets of sex organs (Use the latter feminine ending for cousins who are predominantly females)

Gelb-n-scotchit – (translation: “Go eat human waste!”)  Also can be amplified by adding, “Woo-boy! Do a Naomi!”


Tripsy-goopin –  (translation: “It’s obvious you’ve been bundling with your mama.”)  Not to be used on twins or on groups.


Grata gorpo – Words describing those shitheads who are always grateful for any kind of attention – even the negative kind.


Schneckelfleb – A person who can kiss his own rear end.


Nozzacrotski ballmash – Jock itch (or a wish/curse that you might suffer from some semi-serious disease of the nether regions).


Norbnickety Ratmink –  A coat worn in public that absorbs peculiar odors and farts that would otherwise embarrass the wearer.


Schizzlesquibber – Usually a youngster, but actually anyone who drools like a spigot or slobbers disgustingly.


Velb/ prissyvelb – A knob of any shape, usually on someone’s head/ a place to hang wet Kleenex to dry.

Xneptopop! – Word for bell-shaped or three-cornered testicles.


Ylanthy nebbintookus! – Curse to use if you or someone else has fallen on your ass and can’t get up.


Zeemidge – Pocket lint or what you dig out of a belly button


Freem – A cave or other hideaway (as a noun)/”To freem” (the infinitive) is also an action meaning “To Go Get lost!” (in a cave or other hideaway). To say, “I’m freemed!” means you’ve been buried in something undesirable (i.e. rat snot or gelb-n-scotchitted dung beetles.)



2 thoughts on “Talk Like A Troll

  1. Like your website it’s really fun! I read the “talk like a troll” idioms…pretty genius! One day soon I will log on and order one of your books!

    • Thanks, April,
      Trolls can get under your skin if you let them so here’s a trick for you if you don’t want to get into a war of words with a troll — just reach up an flick your hand across your shoulder a time or two — as if you were brushing away a cootie or something. What you are doing is flicking away insult. Trolls won’t even know you’ve taken the upper hand — have dismissed them! — because it’s very discreet. Try it some time,

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